I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
