so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
