She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
