theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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