I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
