My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
