I just cut my nipple shaving
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
