I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
