If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
