This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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