Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
