Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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