quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
this hospital has no fireball
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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