Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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