shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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