I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize