I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
