How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I believe in your delicious
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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