so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
