it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
