if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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