while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
