in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
