please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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