if only i could text you this smell
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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