The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
