I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
