i was born a porn star she said
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
