look no pants
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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