It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
