either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
