Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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