I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a search helicopter?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
