The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
