I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
