He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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