woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
