I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
