im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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