..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
