I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize