I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
how does that bad decision feel?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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