youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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