booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
