when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
