this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
