I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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