Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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