i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
