She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
