I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
