My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
