Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
