So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
