Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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