when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
