4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize