"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
