Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
