hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
