i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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