Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
farters have to be the big spoon...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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