Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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