Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
