You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
