Are we in a gay sports bar?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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