She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
