Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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