I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
