I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
