remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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