we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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