dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize