Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
