Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
