9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Less talking, more tequila
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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