was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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