Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I FOUND THE LEGS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
