you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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