am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
