Do you still have your period?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
