You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize