could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
