When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
now i know why i became what i already was.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
