i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
