OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
