woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
