There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Less talking, more tequila
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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