you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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