when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
