my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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