Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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