The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
