I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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