i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
how does that bad decision feel?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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