So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
