I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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