My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
