I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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