I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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