Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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