Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
