Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
