R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize