Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
