Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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