I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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