I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
